THE PROCESS OF RELATIONSHIPS

It’s important to understand the process of relationships; specifically the stages of a relational breakdown. Let’s take a look at them one by one.

The honeymoon stage is the one we begin with. We usually have an unrealistic view of the relationship at this point. Obviously, what attracts people to each other, whether it is a business relationship, a friendship, or a romance, are their positive qualities. The excitement of finding someone who meets some need in our lives tends to temporarily blind us to their negative traits.

Specific irritation is the stage where we begin to open our eyes and see things we don’t like. Here we develop a memory bank of these negative traits. But then we also see the relationship in a more realistic light. If you look back at the early weeks of your marriage or of a new job, you will probably recall the first incident that shook you into reality – the time you realized the honeymoon was over.

General discomfort should cause us to deal with the specific irritations that have piled up in our memory banks. We become more open, honest, and transparent about telling someone why they’re making us uncomfortable.

Try harder is a stage of development where we raise our energy level to make a success of the relationship. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s very hard to separate the problem from the person.

Exhaustion often becomes a serious problem in a relationship because we are too tired to try and longer. We tend to throw up our hands and quit at this crucial point.

Separation is the final stage. By this time the relationship has usually been terminated with little hope of restoration. Usually, by the time this happens we are too numb to even care or hurt.

This series of stages does not have to be completed; the cycle can be broken.

Most often, if the process is reversed, it happens during the stage of general discomfort. At that point it is still possible to make the decision to accept what you don’t like about a person and to love that person unconditionally.

As you try harder to overlook a person’s faults, it becomes easier to again focus your attention on his or her positive traits.

Extracted from “Be a People Person” by John Maxwell.

I believe that every individual is different, with their strengths and weaknesses. We should try our best not to give up on anyone, as the Lord never gave up on us. I guess we do need the Lord’s love to love unconditionally, especially for people we find hard to love.

In every friendship, choose to be a blessing and see the potential of what they can become in His time. They may still be going through the refiner’s fire and they may not be “there” yet…neither are we! We are all being transformed into His image…so you may have to bear with me too…

Thank you for loving me and accepting me as I am and gently inviting me to grow. Your forbearance is a reflection of His love and grace. Thank you for not giving up on me…

Love,
Jo